A Good Kid

I’ve written in the past about parenting, and here I go again… perhaps it is because it is my biggest struggle, and I want to share my experiences with you, plus receive feedback.

I had a revelation recently from which I think parents whose kids are receiving therapy may benefit. 

My oldest son is 4 1/2. He attends a local preschool and is struggling. He is genetically prone to ADD and anxiety, and has no interest in learning. In addition, he is still learning appropriate social skills, such as keeping his hands and feet to himself in line. His teachers have recommended that he get tested by our local school district for any learning disabilities before he starts kindergarten. I wasn’t opposed to the idea. I want him to receive the best opportunities possible. However, through the process, I had to answer hundreds of questions regarding his abilities. It can be depressing when your child isn’t on the same level as his peers, but my revelation is this… he’s a wonderful kid with a sweet heart and he is intelligent in his own way. More importantly, he’s my child and I love him unconditionally. Recognizing this has dramatically changed my attitude. I am no longer stressed about his flaws. I am motivated to get him the extra help he needs.

I understand your child may have more severe disabilities or behavior problems, but I encourage you to remember the qualities that make him/her wonderful. You will still have struggles, but hopefully it will make the struggles feel more worth it.

It was Worth All the While

I have been thinking a lot lately about my high school years. I guess it would have been more timely to write something like this 18 months ago around my 10 year class reunion, but I have some alone time on Tuesdays and Thursday to actually think! 

I am grateful for my high school experience because I see the high school kids today and the immense pressures they are under. They have to look perfect, act perfect in front of their parents and teachers, and then they have the pressure of acting wild and crazy on the weekends. Alcohol isn’t even a big deal anymore because drugs are so prevalent. And of course from the counseling perspective, cyber bullying is out of control!

I try to be very careful when talking about God’s providential care because I understand some people may take things to extreme, but I truly believe my high school experience was due to God’s provision.

Towards the end of my 8^th grade year (2000), my parents informed me that we were moving because of my dad’s job. This upset me for many reasons, the obvious being leaving my friends; but, also my sister had already graduated high school and my brother was graduating that year, so it would just be me entering high school with no one to pave my way. My parents let me be a part of the moving process and deciding where to move to in the Dallas area. I remember my dad and I went to a town called Forney and there is a HUGE jackrabbit statue in the middle of town, and I adamantly said “I ain’t being no jackrabbit!” So we moved to the next town over, Crandall. It is a small town – population around 3000 and a 3A school, no stop lights only stop signs… perfect size for me.

I often tell the story of my first day of high school. I was extremely nervous. The 9^th grade class met in a lobby area before classes started, and a lady who I would come to be very fond of, Mrs. Bruce, was kind enough to introduce me to my classmates. She was introducing me to a girl named Nicole and I all of the sudden felt sick. I ran to bathroom to throw up. Now envision these bathrooms… it’s a big open area with sinks and then on one side is the girls’ room and the other is the boys’. There are no doors to the entrances to the bathrooms. So I get sick and I walk out to wash my hands and I hear two guys in their bathroom talking. Guy #1 said, “Have you seen we have a new English teacher? And she has a daughter.” Guy #2 asked, “Is she cute?” Guy #1 responds, “No not really.” …well my mom was the new English teacher and I was the not so cute daughter! I finished washing my hands, but I had to walk by the boys’ bathroom to return to the lobby. Then I hear “oh there she is!” I was mortified. I never found out who it was, and if you’re reading this, I really don’t care to know who it was! (Ignorance is bliss)

High school wasn’t perfect, but, at the same time, it was. I had enemies and exes and crushes and everything else, but my school, and especially my class, was perfect for who I was. The cool kids were the smart kids. They were in the AP classes, UIL and/or NHS; of course they were also pretty and athletic. Therefore, by definition I wasn’t popular, but they were also nice so I was friends with them. I know there were some pretty bad incidents that happened with some of the kids, but for the most part (from my perspective, anyway), bullying wasn’t a big issue. And I am so thankful cell phones weren’t as popular then as they are now! I can't even imagine how things would be different.

Another thing that made my high school experience so great was that I didn’t experience peer pressure. Now don’t get me wrong, I had personal pressures on myself that caused me to make mistakes, but I was never pressured to drink or go to parties. In fact, I was never even invited to a party. That may sound like a negative, like I was a loser, but honestly, I am so thankful for that. There was drinking at one of my parties and I didn’t even know about it until later, but that’s a whole ‘nother story! We had such innocent fun… shopping at the Galleria, going to restaurants, or watching One Tree Hill at friends’ houses. *sigh*

I often think about if I had stayed at the town I moved from or attended a big city school… would I have drank in high school? Would I been motivated to work hard? Would I have been pressured to “be popular among the boys?”  ..you know what I mean ;)

So thank you, Crandall High School and the class of 2004 for helping me stay true to who I am and not forcing me to be someone I’m not. It was worth all the while!

Post-Divorce Group for Girls ages 13-17

Divorce can be a difficult time for adults, and it can be even more difficult for the children involved.  Lauren Jones, MA, LPC-Intern and Emily Strode, Practicum Student, (each supervised by David B. Martin, MA, LPC-S) are leading a group for young girls ages 13-17 whose parents are in the process of divorce or have finalized it.  The group is designed to help young women express their feelings and connect with other in a safe and supportive environment. If you know someone who would benefit from this group, please register them!  

Space is very limited and registration closes at Midnight on June 15.

Who: Girls ages 13-17

When: THIS SUMMER! Tuesday evenings from 7:00-8:00 p.m.

Where: Martin Counseling (439 Mason Park Blvd, Suite C, 77450)

Cost: $40 per session

To register: Call Emily at 832-779-0367 or email at Emily@HoustonLPC.com

SHARE this information to anyone you think might be interested or could benefit from this opportunity.

Parenting 101

In life and in therapy, there is one topic that I am drawn to, and that is parenting and its impact on children.

It may be the most interesting to me because it’s the most applicable to me. I am in the beginning stages of child-rearing my two sons, and it’s not easy for me. I honestly never wanted to be a parent. I knew my weaknesses and faults, and I felt those weren’t suitable for parenting. I’m lazy. I’m selfish. I don’t like loud and/or repetitive noise. I’m not a good housekeeper. Or cook. I could go on and on… and on. 

God, on the other hand, had a different plan in mind. Just a couple weeks after our two year anniversary, my husband and I found out we were going to expand our family. Again, honestly, it was well into my pregnancy that I even felt excited about the news. In fact, it was at my 20 week appointment, when I saw him on the ultrasound monitor, that I changed my perspective. I am going to be a mom! And to a son! which was very important to me because I feel that the raising of boys is getting the attention that it deserves. I had a duty to raise him to be a leader in the church, a good husband, a gentleman, and good provider. 

But I’m lazy. And selfish. And a bad cook. How am I ever going to raise him that way that I know he should be raised as a Christian and therapist? It’s difficult. He isn’t naturally a good eater; he doesn’t like books or learning in a structured way; he doesn’t sing so I can’t teach him through song; it’s difficult to say the least. And it’s almost 100% my fault. I don’t make him sit down and eat, he stays up late with me and is tired in the mornings, and he has an electronics addiction. 

I write all of this to say, parenting isn’t easy. It takes a lot of consciousness, patience, and even trial-and-error. I am making small goals with him and with myself to correct my faults. We are eating more at the kitchen table. I am making him go to bed earlier by waking him up early that morning so he will be tired, not letting him take naps late in the day, or simply making him follow my direction because I know what is best for him, which is good sleep hygiene. Again, it’s not easy. It may take a few breakdowns (by him and me), but I know in the long run it’s for the better.

(Now we have another little boy. He’s a little easier because he loves food and to sing and books. But as his personality is developing, I realize I have different challenges than with my firstborn.)

This is all we can strive for right?!

someecards.com

 

Junior High Girls' Group

#accomplishgoals #facingfears #findinghope

ATTENTION: Junior High Girls

I'm so excited! I get to be a part of a counseling group for junior high age girls! Below is the information. If you think your daughter or someone's daughter will benefit from this, please contact us!

My name is Lauren Jones, and I am a counselor at Martin Counseling supervised by David Martin, MA LPC-S, along with Emily Strode, a practicum student supervised by David Martin, MA LPC-S.  We wanted to let you know about a group we are running for junior high girls. The group will provide a supportive environment where students can learn healthy ways to communicate their feelings and connect with others.  

Who: Junior High aged girls

When: Tuesday evenings from 5:00-6:00 p.m. beginning March 17th

Where: Martin Counseling (439 Mason Park Blvd, Suite C, 77450)

Cost: $50 per session

To register: Call Lauren at 832-779-1417 or email at lauren@houstonlpc.com; or Emily at 832-779-0367 or email at Emily@houstonlpc.com

Please pass along this information to anyone you think might be interested or could benefit from this opportunity.  

#accomplishinggoals #facingfears #findinghope

Finding Hope

hōp/

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

2. a feeling of trust.

Hope is not always easy to define.

Like I said in my first post on this blog, I had a personal blog a few years ago I named “Hope for me yet.” I actually got the idea by listening to a Dierks Bentley CD on a loop at work, and that was the title of a song on the album. The context did not pertain to me, per se, but I was searching for something almost tangible I could have hope in. I wanted a talent or a purpose. Honestly, I was tired of asking my friends for favors and not having something to offer them in return.

Me: “Hey, can you bake me some cupcakes? In return, I’ll…. Uh….. yeah, I got nothing.”

Sometimes we can be in such a dark spot in our lives it is hard to find hope. We’re struggling, barely keeping our heads above water, and we have nothing to hope in. It’s helpful to have hope in a higher power. The scriptures are full of verses pertaining to hope. One of my favorites is Hebrews 6:19 because it describes hope as an anchor – something that keeps us from going deeper into the dark abyss.

Courtesy of Kimberly Geswein

Honestly, once you’ve hoped in God, it’s hard to think past that, but sometimes our hope can be found in our abilities and talents. If we have lost our jobs in this terrible economy, we can have hope in the fact of being a hard-worker and that someone will see our potential. It can be difficult or disappointing to have hope in people, however. At some point in life, even our greatest loves can disappoint us, but hopefully we have our anchor of hope!

If you are searching for hope and need help, please give me a call (832)779-0367 or send me an e-mail els.martincounseling@gmail.com.